Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
you inspire me to be a worse person
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My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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