Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
