I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
