Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
