She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
