It was confusing and full of hummus
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
