I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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