Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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