Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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