So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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