Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(614): View more from Ohio

this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had

Fav 7 6357 911
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(323): View more from California

The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.

(1-323): View more from California

Did you put it in the freezer again?

Fav 29 1287 6690
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(972): View more from Texas

Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.

Fav 7 4926 1430
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(516): View more from New York

In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea

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(720): View more from Colorado

You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.

Fav 7 4250 1332
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(205): View more from Alabama

She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.

Fav 5 1206 2735
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.

Fav 7 1585 2364
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(903): View more from Texas

I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.

Fav 2 496 650
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(503): View more from Oregon

My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.

Fav 0 75 4
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