if i can run in heels then i can drive
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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