Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
