One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
