you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
