Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
