I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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