What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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