im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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