I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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