I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
