my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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