...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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