I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
