We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
