i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
