You really coming over, don't trick.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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