i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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