I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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