I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
