GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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