You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
