all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
