sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
