Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
