bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I love having hate sex.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
