i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
