when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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