Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
