sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
