I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
