Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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