somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just want nice things and good sex
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
