It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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