He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
