And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
