our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
