I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
That accounts for only three of the penises
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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