It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
