YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
foreskin is a definite game changer
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
