I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
