just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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