She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
