How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
