Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Randomize
