All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i drank out of a bidet.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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