forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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