that's an acceptable place to lick
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
