yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
