i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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