i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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