Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
