Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
