both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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