I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
