it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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