I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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